What is My Life?

So, I woke up this morning completely confused. I thought to myself, "What the ___ is going on?" (fill in the blank accordingly). The reason why I had this moment of confusion was because I was completely shocked at the crazy phenomenon that is my life. I have been living in a foreign country for four months, I am getting a masters degree, and so many other things are different in my life that I can't even explain them all. I just felt that I had to take a minute and really think about all this so that I can fully appreciate things. I realize that I can get caught up in the craziness that is life, and I don't really give myself the chance to step back and really look at what's going on around me. Its amazing!

I am about to leave for Italy on Saturday to visit my cousins, and I am so happy to see them! I think that stepping away from London for a while will be a really good thing for me since I've had to deal with so much stress over the past couple of months. I will be away from London for a whole month. Its very strange to think about being away from a place that you've gotten use to for that long. I remember being sad about leaving Los Angeles for Christmas break from LMU, but I feel like this may be slightly worse. I know I'm going to be so happy while I'm home, and I'm going to get to spend time with all of my family and friends back there, but I also know that I'm really going to miss it here as well. That may become slightly painful (emotionally painful), especially towards the end of my time at home. The only solution to this problem that I can think of is to keep busy. I have to read my own books, read books for school, hang out with my friends and family as much as physically possible, and watch a lot of movies. Isn't my life so difficult? Don't worry, I was being sarcastic.

Public Transportation... and then some.

Being that my only means of transportation in this crazy city is public, I have been thinking about that a lot lately. I remember when I was in high school, living in New York City (a city equally as crazy, if not more so, than London), I really hated public transportation. I had to do it every single day, back and fourth to the same places over and over again. The 7 train was so incredibly excruciating, not to mention that I've been followed by creepy men no less than five times AND been beaten with a homeless man's cane (not as funny as it sounds). I just remember being so tired from the traveling that I didn't even want to go out because it was too much effort.

Here in London, on the other hand, I don't seem to mind it as much. Granted, I don't have to take the train or bus to school, which makes life a lot easier, but its not like I live super close to central London either. I pretty much have to take the bus and train to hang out with my friends, go shopping, get my haircut, go to the grocery store, and do anything really worth while. Maybe I don't mind it much because I don't really have to do it everyday, but its not like its a picnic either, so I don't really know why I don't mind it as much as I did back in high school.

I mean, don't get me wrong, I do get frustrated by the fact that at least one of the lines I usually take on weekends are closed every single week, they are constantly delayed/don't come when they are scheduled to, or they're overcrowded beyond belief. Okay fine, I'm still not a big fan of public transportation, but honestly, I'd rather stand on a packed train that's moving than sit in traffic for over an hour. True story.

On a side note, I got my first London haircut today! 

This is what I wanted...

..

...and this is what I got.

So... not a big fan of the hair stylist that I had. He was very nice and very informative, but when I asked him to cut my bangs shorter, he flat out said, "Well, I'm only cutting it this much more, and I'm not going any shorter than that. I don't think you'll be happy if I do." I wanted to be like, "DUDE! I asked for it shorter. I think I'd be happy if I got what I asked for. I mean, c'mon." Its not like I was asking for him to make them look like this:

Anyway, maybe I'll like it better when I style it myself. That usually happens to me. I'll just have to get my bangs trimmed when I go home in December, which is still SO LONG from now!!! On the other hand, I can't even believe that its Thanksgiving next week!!! I'm sort of nervous about it, though because I've never hosted Thanksgiving before! I feel like I'm Monica from Friends or something. Come to think of it, I kind of am like her. I like things neat, I like to cook, and I have brown hair! Well, I guess a lot of people can relate to her then, but still, I've definitely always felt like more of a Monica than a Rachel or a Phoebe. I digress... the point is that I'm really nervous about cooking Thanksgiving dinner for like 15 to 20 people and I've never cooked Thanksgiving dinner on my own before. AH! At least I will have the help and support of my roomies (or flatties, I guess) and one of my bestestest friends ever, Blair Brown!!!

That's right! I have my first visitor in London coming in TWO DAYS!!! Blair and Stephen (her boyfriend) are coming from San Fran to London on Thursday, and I can't contain my excitement! We have so many fun things planed too! Firstly, we're going to Koko on Friday (this Indie club in Camden), then we're making Thanksgiving dinner together, and then we're going to Oxford next Saturday, and I've never been there before! WOO! So many fun things to look forward to and distract me from the pain in my stomach that I have from thinking about my assessment on the 1st and 2nd of December. Can't wait!

Wanderer...

Thought I'd share this... I love it so much!

I'm Back!

I realize that I've been M.I.A. for the past month or so, and I just want to officially say that I'm back! I'm sure that most of you reading this knew that I was alive and still living in London, and even though most of you know what I've been up to (some in great detail), I still feel the need to give a very general, non-descriptive overview as well.

So, what have I been doing? Well, let's see... I've been practically living at Laban, performing ridiculously complicated choreographic tasks, reading extremely cryptic dance literature, finding excuses to wear fake-hipster glasses, spending lots of quality time with my fellow MA Choreography (a.k.a. MAC) peers, and finally, losing my appreciation for the TFL due to the multiple tube and DLR weekend closures that coincidentally interfered with ALL my plans. So, in a nutshell, I've been kind of busy. I have also gone right back into my lovely habits of procrastination that I had weirdly forgotten about during that year between undergrad and grad school, hence, me writing this blog. What I actually should be doing right now is planning my rehearsal coming up in two hours, but... meh.

During this one month blog hiatus, I have also managed to schedule some pretty awesome "holidays" during the next two terms, which I am so excited about. Beginning on December 10th, I am going to be a traveling machine (not to be confused with a time traveling machine... which would be pretty sweet, but not gonna happen). From December 10-17th, I'm going to Sicily to visit my cousins (YAY!), then I come back to London for three days, and then I hop right back on a plane to New York for two and a half weeks. So, after all of the family traveling ends, I head back over to London on January 6th to begin my 2nd term at Laban!

Now, one may think, "Christina, that's already a lot of traveling! You're probably done for a while once you return to London, right?" and to that I would say, "HELL NO!" A few weeks after I return to London, my friends and I are traveling to Oslo for the weekend, then in February we're going to Paris to visit another friend, then in March I'm going to Stratford-upon-Avon with some MAC people, at the end of March we're going skiing in the Italian Alps, and THEN at the end of June we're going to Peru! There are also a few trips that I have yet to plan with my MAC people. I don't think I have ever traveled this much in such a short period of time in my entire life! This is honestly a dream come true, and I think that I am in such a good mood (despite some things that should actually be bringing my mood down quite a bit) because I am so excited about life right now!

First of all, the traveling that I will be doing coming up very soon is a huge life goal of mine that I am finally getting to achieve. Secondly, Thanksgiving and Christmas are coming up, and this is my absolute favorite time of year! I know, they don't celebrate American Thanksgiving in England, but I don't even care because I am already planning a really awesome Thanksgiving feast for some of my favorite people in the whole wide world! I, of course, will be greatly missing my entire family on this day, but the thought that I will be seeing them very soon for Christmas (my absolute favorite holiday) makes me feel so much better! Anyway, I am just in one of those extremely hopeful moods, and I am really trying to keep myself that way. The last thing that I want to do is fall back into my funk, which ultimately did not allow me to keep up with my blogging.

It feels good to be back! Now, onwards and upwards!!! YAY!

Can't Sit Still...

I have come to the conclusion today that I don't know how to relax. I always have to be doing something, eating something, reading something, watching something, something, ANYTHING all the time. I don't know how to take a day and just sit at home. It honestly stresses me out when I have nothing to do, and I don't know if its just because I'm in London, and I feel like I need to enjoy every minute while I'm here, or if its because that's just the type of person I am. I feel like there's a slight possibility that I may be insane.

*These are some examples of my insanity.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Anyway, I just don't really know how to slow myself down, or maybe I don't really want to. I want to try everything, do everything, see everything, meet everyone (well, maybe I don't want to meet everyone, but I do want to meet more people than I know right now). Even when I'm tired, I always feel like I have to push through so that I can keep going. Then, of course, there are those moments where I completely pass out from exhaustion and then I wake up extremely confused as to what's going on. I am guessing something like this may occur tomorrow after my morning technique class, so maybe I should just plan on taking a nap. Although, the only problem with planning a nap is that when I lay down and say that I'm actually taking the time out to sleep for a while, I never end up falling asleep. Its only when I really don't have time for it at all that I accidentally fall sleep. Its a vicious cycle.

Tomorrow is my second week of graduate school, and I get tired just thinking about it. Mondays and Tuesdays for me are my lightest days of my four day school week because I only have technique class  in the morning, but then Wednesdays and Thursdays are killer! I go from so early in the morning all the way into the evening, and I just get so drained by the end of it. A part of me doesn't like that and, of course, the crazed wanting-to-be-busy-all-the-time me enjoys it. That insane stress-craving me wants the entire week to be non-stop class all day long! Its like I'm a glutton for punishment. On one hand, its very nice having class only two days a week, but on the other hand, I definitely could use something else. Possibly a job? But in order for me to have a job here, I need something called a "National Insurance Number," which is the equivalent to the social security number back in the States, and I haven't sorted that out yet. So, I have to wait... but I hate waiting. I want to be busy, and I want to be busy now. I'm even having a hard time focusing on this blog right now. I can't sit still, and I can't think of only one thing because I always have to have a million and one thoughts running through my head. Honestly, is there something wrong with me? There probably is. Ehh... maybe I'll go write some postcards, or make a sandwich, or run around my apartment. Oh, geez.

CHEESE!

Its so difficult to take pictures! It was so different when my parents were here and I was taking pictures of all the touristy things that we did, but now that I'm no longer doing touristy things because I'm no longer a tourist, I've stopped taking pictures. I feel like I'm really bad about remembering to take my camera with me when I go out, and when we had people over two weekends ago and I did remember to take out my camera, it wasn't charged! I feel like I'm missing out of the documentation of my first month in London, although... sometimes I feel that pictures aren't the best documentation tool either.

For me, pictures represent a certain moment in time that was captured to display a certain sentiment that was felt at that time. Most pictures are taken of happy moments because no one really wants to remember a time that they were unhappy or in some sort of pain. So... if you're having a terrible time somewhere and you look back on your pictures from that time, it'll be difficult to remember the pain you suffered because all you have to remember are images of the happy moments. For instance, when I studied in Paris for a month and a half, the overall impression that I got from the trip was that I really didn't have the best time. I had a bad experience with my roommate, I did not enjoy the locals since they really did not treat me (Americans in general) very nicely no matter how respectful I tried to be, and I did not particularly like the atmosphere of the city. I felt that it was a bit dark and Gothic for my taste, which creates for somewhat of an unwelcoming vibe that I've never been too fond of. Now, don't get me wrong, there were a lot of aspects of Paris that were very beautiful and that I really did enjoy, and I spent most of my time there with a group of three other girls who I absolutely love, but I just did not have the best time I could have possibly had while studying abroad for the first time. Now, although I definitely had a negative impression of my time there, if I were to have my memory completely erased meaning that I would only have the pictures of Paris to refer back to, I would only see the happy moments that I captured. Obviously, I would then come to the conclusion that I had a fabulous time in Paris, which would clearly be a false representation of what actually happened.

Now, I'm not saying that I'm going to go around taking pictures of all the bad and stressful situations that I go through here or when I get sick (like today). I am saying that maybe I should think of a way that allows me to remember both the good and the bad sentiments of my experience here. I don't want to be deceived when I'm like 65 years old and this trip is a distant memory. I'd like to remember when I got a migraine while shopping on Oxford Street and how I felt like I was going to vomit the entire train ride home.... uhhh, come to think of it, maybe I should just stick with my happy pictures.

What Is Going On?

I don’t feel like I’m studying abroad. This is a very strange feeling, but it is almost as if my experiences in New York and Los Angeles have both come together to form some sort of parallel universe. Let me explain. So, in New York, I had the typical metropolitan city life of traveling on the train everywhere with a lot of people set in a very hectic atmosphere (my version of NYC before I left for college). In Los Angeles, I had the typical college experience where I spent all my time with friends and they had to practically become my family. Now, take those two examples and combine them. I’m having a college-life experience set in a metropolitan city... and I play golf! What’s that about? Well, I guess I’ve played golf twice, but still... I’ve never played golf before, who am I?

Anyway, I just feel almost as if I’ve taken two very important chapters of my life, combined them, and created a brand new chapter. It definitely makes sense why I would feel this way since London is a city very similar to NYC, and I’m living with and spending time with people who I met while living in LA, but I’m still waiting for something completely and utterly new. I want to experience new and exciting, not old and familiar. Don’t get me wrong, its not like I’m having a bad time. I really love it here, and I love all my friends, but I’m still waiting. I know its coming, and I know that I got a little taste of it last night when I went to dinner with some fellow grad students from Trinity Laban. Graduate school is going to be my ticket to new and exciting... I think.

There is a slight possibility that it’ll be just like the LMU dance department, which would make me very unhappy because I’ve been there and done that, and its not really something I want to do again. I want to be challenged artistically. I want to do something with my choreography that I’ve never done before! I want to be changed. I’m so ready.