I am slightly disappointed in myself. I just recently realized how much pressure I've been putting on others to be this unreachable breed of human I'm calling a "super friend." This type of person is always there whenever you call on them, says the things you want them to say, is constantly aware of your feelings and always places your needs above hers or his. The funny thing is that the only reason why I even realized that I placed this unreasonable pressure on others is because I found that the same kind of pressure has been placed on me, and I have failed to meet these unattainable standards.
Before this revelation of mine, dare I say it, I considered myself to be that "super friend," and I judged my friends who did not meet these standards. Now, I can go on and make a bunch of excuses as to why I couldn't keep up with this lifestyle such as: I moved to another country, I got into a serious relationship, I have been traveling the world, I've been working on a Masters degree, all while working a part time job and trying to find ways to financially support myself and live where I'd like to live after graduation, but I know that those are all just excuses. They are excuses that everyone has in one way or another. They may not be the same excuses as mine, but everyone has 1 million and 1 things they have to keep up with in their lives. People are not only dealing with things on the surface like jobs, school, relationships, etc., but they are also dealing with family problems, depression, anxiety, and anything of that nature that is not normally shared with the public. The bottom line is that people do their best, and they don't mean to hurt you by not responding right away or not being in contact for a while. There's no reason for anyone to expect so much of one person who is only human after all. So ultimately I came to the conclusion that if I don't want my friends to hold me to the unreachable "super friend" standard, then I shouldn't hold it to them either.
So, here is my apology. Firstly, I want to apologize to any friends who feel that I've neglected them over these past two years or however long its been really. As stated earlier, I did not do it intentionally. I do my best in life, just like you do, and my love and appreciation for you as a friend is not diminished in any way shape or form. I still truly value our friendship, and please know that I never intentionally meant to cause any pain on your part. My next apology goes to those friends and family members who I've personally held to the "super friend" standards. I am so sorry for expecting of you what is far more than humanly possible. I now know that you are just doing your best on a daily basis, and there is no reason to think that you love me any less than you did before. Being that I am not with you every day, there is no way for me to truly know what is happening in your life. Although that makes me sad, I still know that I cross your mind every so often as you do in mine, and therefore, our friendship is still very much alive in our hearts.
I know that this post is somewhat off topic from what I usually post on this blog, but I felt that it just needed to be said. Leaving friends and family is a huge part of traveling and living abroad. It is an unfortunate reality that I have to live with, and I struggle with not having my best friends and family with me on a daily basis. All I can do is try and remember how lucky I am to have people in my life who love me, no matter where they are in the world.
Best,
Traveling Grad Student
